SPECIAL THANKS to my beautiful friends Bethany (IG: Beeefny) and David (IG: lilbeet210) for posing for the photos in this piece! You are fabulous 🤩
Welcome to Savannah! The town of spirits, of stories about spirits, and of tours about houses haunted by spirits.
And if you drink enough spirits, you might even get to see a real spirit yourself.
Here, I bring you a bit of humor with A LOT of truth. Let this bit of comedy enlighten and entertain you. And if you find any of it offensive, you showed up to the wrong party, Brenda; try down the hall to the left.
Bartenders are approachable creatures in the wild. When treated properly and approached with kindness, they can help you have a fantastic experience.
Here’s a short guide on how to befriend a bartender in this city:
1. Smile 😊
Hey, you’re in the South, the weather is mild, and you can take a drink to go. The streets and parks (squares) are beautiful; this is an adult playground. Let’s keep it PG-rated and have some fun.
2. Drink to go, you say?
Drinks to-go in the downtown + midtown areas of Savannah are not only legal, but a very fun way to explore the beautiful sights downtown.
Just don’t get in an Uber with your drink, and don’t take your drinks into other bars.
Drinks to go are meant to be enjoyed in the beautiful streets, squares, or on a walk along River Street. Savannah is extremely walkable and beautiful, and drinks to go make your strolls more enjoyable.
Here’s the etiquette (and law!): carrying open containers with alcohol in moving vehicles is illegal, and taking a full drink into a place that serves its own drinks is just bad manners.
Most establishments will allow you to enjoy your outside-drink’s last sips while you decide on your next beverage—just keep it to a couple of sips.
3. Savannah is a party town, but it cares about safety.
Bartenders are mandated to take courses every year in dram laws and serving alcohol safely, which means that we will not serve visibly intoxicated people and we will make a reasonable effort to get them home safely.
In addition, Savannah police are not shy about DUIs.
Any local can tell you that much.
So, drink responsibly and get a ride home. I say this with love.
4. Curb your interrogation.
We have a fantastic new technology called “Google Search” where you can type “best breakfast spot!” and see millions of photos AND reviews.
I’m always happy to give a few recommendations upon request. But if you’re here for 2 days, and keep insistently asking about 27 different restaurants while my bar is full of thirsty patrons, we are not gonna be friends anymore.
5. Patience is a sexy virtue.
Good things come to those who are kind and patiently wait. Brownie points if you smile and are pleasant. Do all of it, and you get a gold star for being the ideal bar guest.
6. Cursing loudly or yelling like you are giving birth to a baby.
Let’s be real. I don’t want to tell you to keep it down, and you don’t want me to tell you to keep it down. Let’s keep you and me happy.
7. Falling off your chair.
Only do this if you must.
Spoiler: You will give me a mini heart attack. I will think you are having a medical episode.
But if this happens because you are just too drunk… that’s just not a good look.
Gotta try to keep your dignity, my friend, even just a little.
And speaking of good manners…
8. Eating or drinking over an open menu.
THIS happens all the time!!!!! Every day!! Yesterday!!! Hell, it might happen today. It probably will.
How can people order $50 entrees and spend $200 or $300 at a fine dining restaurant AND still do this?!?!
I don’t get it.
It happens just like this:
Well dressed sir: Hi, I’ll have a martini please.
He continues to have a conversation with his business associate. I bring him a martini and place it over an elegant black napkin. He is chatting and still looking at the menu.
He asks for bread, orders an appetizer. Still has an open menu in front of him. I tell them the specials…
Me: Do you have any questions about your entree choice?
Him: Still looking, undecided. *shoos me away*
He takes a sip of his martini and spills a little on the paper pages of the open menu in front of him. I try so hard not to glare…
Him: Hey is that bread coming anytime soon?
Me: Yessir! It is on the way!
Appetizers arrive. Both men proceed to start to eat OVER THE OPEN MENUS, I loose all my sh…
Me: *mild panic in my voice* Gentlemen! Kindly allow me to take those menus out of the way, so that you may enjoy your appetizers.
Him: Hey no! I need this. I haven’t decided what to order yet.
Me: Yes, I know, I’m just going to put them right here so that…
Him: Are you rushing us or something? What’s the problem here?
Result? Ruined menus, mildly angered guests wrongly feeling rushed, exasperated bartenders.
Let’s find some motivation: Save some trees? Also, gross. Think of other patrons and their need for those menus.
9. Getting creative with the menu in unreasonable ways.
This following scenario is based on a true story:
Lady: I’ll have the mushroom salad (with a big smile), but I don’t like mushrooms 🍄. They are nasty little things, can I have something else?
Me: Ummm *blank stare*. Another salad?
Lady: No! I really had my heart set on the mushroom salad! I can’t believe how unhelpful you are. That was a lazy response, honestly.
Me: *Looking unimpressed* This salad has 7 different types of local wild mushrooms, sourced from a local farm. The salad is 80% mushrooms.
Lady: Ugh!! Fine, I’ll just have the Alligator Chorizo Mac and Cheese. No pork. And light on the cheese.
I run back to the kitchen to pull my hairs out and scream. I return to her with a big sigh.
Me: Chorizo is made with pork…. Ummm, do you just want a bowl of un-cheesy noodles?
More back and forth of extremely intelligent interaction continues for about 5 more minutes.
MEANWHILE : A gentleman makes a hand gesture for another old fashioned, another couple desperately tries to get my attention because they need to pay and go on their ghost tour. Another lady is now upset because she wanted a glass of wine with her dinner, and she got her entree 7 minutes ago. Another couple sat at the bar and they haven’t been offered water or a cocktail in 5 minutes and are about ready to leave, for lack of service of course.
10. Knowing what you want earns you respect and admiration.
I can understand going back and forth with a few options and asking for a recommendation.
But doing this dance for 25 minutes gets toxic really quick.
I had a man ask me to describe each item on the menu TWICE and still couldn’t make up his mind.
You think you’re being cute, Peter? That amount of indecision at 54 years old makes you a fool of a man. And I promise you none of the women at the bar are impressed. Not even a little.
11. Using the bartender as a form of personal entertainment.
Also based on a true story:
Guest: “I detect an accent. Where are you from? Peruvian? You don’t look Peruvian; you are far too tall and too white. Aren’t Peruvians short and dark? What language do you speak? Spanish? What brought you here? What are you doing other than bartending? What is your real job? Did you come to the states for a better life? I bet it’s hard where you came from. I hear the food is good though! Did you come here to get married? Are you a citizen? What else are you doing with your life? WHY ARE YOU HERE?!?”
This is what I hear, to some variation, every day when I work as a bartender.
You think working at a fine dining establishment would evoke different questions… or people focusing on enjoying their delicious meal and their vacation? On their evening out?
I always reply with a big smile and a polite little laugh. AND immediately redirect the conversation for my guests to speak about themselves.
That always makes the conversation a winner: everyone loves talking about themselves.
Hmm… I can’t think of any more things and I have to go be a bartender now.
Let me know if you can think of more ways to befriend a bartender so we can make this list better.
Thank you for stopping by and have a wonderful rest of your week! Follow this blog on Instagram for weekly posts!
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